I put the link to the song I listen to when I type this stuff out first b/c for me it just sums it up when you listen while you read.
Today I passed my real estate exam. On my first go at it I scored 100% on both the state and national exam. I was so nervous... the questions were nothing like all of the practice exams I took on line... it was completely alien. I want to call my daddy and mom so bad. Aside from being a mom (which is the most important thing and biggest job I have ever craved for in my life) this is the very first thing I saw through 100%. I started college and got pretty far... but didn't finish, it was more important to be a mommy once I found out I was preggers at 23.... But this... it scared me, it challenged my patients... and I saw it through. I plan on building my career around it and rocking it out like nobodies business. I can promise I will be the best most proactive I have ever been at any job b/c I worked, suffered, and beat the odds to get this licence.
Yet............................. When I walked out........................... I felt such a heaviness in my heart b/c I wanted to call daddy and tell him... "Hey my ADD butt finally saw it through... I DID IT AND I DID IT BIG!!!" Man he would be so proud... he wouldn't be shocked... I know mom would have been proud too. Maybe there is something about the dying process where you can see what is going to happen, but when I went the first time and my drivers licence had the wrong name and I couldn't test, before I left, I asked mom.. "do you think I will pass", to which she answered.. "no". That space represents me being taken aback... but, she was right, I didn't pass I didn't even get to test. Weird, I guess in some way she kinda knew. But, I was heartbroken that I felt I didn't have the support from the one person I wanted it from the most. In a way I suppose its true that moms know most everything.... about their kids. Today however, I wished I could have just been able to call and share it with them.
I for the first time in a very long time, experienced not only some peace, but a sense of pride in myself. I have rarely been able to allow me to be proud of myself and today, I accomplished something I busted my bootie for... in a time when I am sad and in a not so great place I pushed through. It took a lot, and I did it and I found a strength I didn't know I had. I am proud of me, I have never been so proud of myself, and I wish they could have been here to share it with me. If I could tell my daddy anything in this moment it would be... Thank you for the strength you gave me and the tenacity to believe in myself. If I could tell my mom anything it would be, rejoice with me... b/c you made me, you gave me life, you gave me my stubbornness to not give up. I couldn't have done this on my own, without the wonderful things my parents instilled in me... I wish they were here to answer my call and share this with me.
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