Tamela and my Parents

Tonight I had it on my heart to call my cousin Tamela. She is my mothers half sisters daughter.... so forget about the half part... she is my cousin. After our phone call I felt more like she is a sister or kindred spirit that I had yet to connect with. In 2012 her mother passed away from cancer and her circumstances concerning her mothers care were almost identical to mine.... through our conversation I found a link and a peace that I had been looking for. Someone who did what I did and for the same reasons. I hope she knows how much that means to me and how much that has put my soul at ease.

Tamela had a very tumultuous childhood and went through things no one, child or adult should ever go through. In her pain and trying to grow she found a path through my parents that helped her become who she is. I never knew this.... I knew mom and dad would help who ever they could, (and I always knew that she was very special to them) but never knew a story on her level. As she told me what my daddy gave her and how she knew how life should be b/c of them I was bawling my eyes out. God.... I was so happy they were there to be what she needed, b/c even though we have never met face to face she is a part of my history, present, and my future. She knew me before I was born.... (weird but it just dawned on me..... I dreamed about this so many months ago.) 

I never knew mom had many miscarriages before she carried me full term... yet Tami was there when I was in her tummy, even felt me moving around in there. She remembered conversations about mom having amniocentesis b/c she was older when she had me and wanted to make sure I would be ok. She told me even if I had any kind of issue, they were determined to be prepared and have me anyways. I never knew this... I didn't know I was that important. They hadn't even finalized my brothers adoption, b/c the agency wouldn't let them until it was clear I was viable. So they went to great ends to make sure they could have us both. I always felt like a mistake but now I know we were both special to them... we were both important. No matter who carried us they fought for us both. 

I can't begin to express the emotion this brought upon me. I wish they could have shared this with us both. I wish it was shared with me. I knew as a pregnancy I was a long shot but never knew I was that important. I am filled with so many mixed emotions. However, the most emotional part of my conversation with my cousin was not about things I didn't know about me but things I didn't know my parents gave her. 

I can't really put to words how much love I felt for not only Tamela but my mom and dad for what they gave her. It's an agape love that the bible teaches... I am so glad I called her tonight. What a hero she is to so many people that may not even know it yet... what an impact she had on me and my life in such a short time. I just cant put to words what she shared with me has meant to me... so much love and respect. Its an honor to know that the two people who made me help mold such a fantastic person... as my sweet Neener would say... My cup runeth over. For the first time in so many months I feel so blessed ....and I thank God for my wonderful cousin and the peace she put in my heart tonight. 

I talked to my parents today... more my mom than daddy. I just wanted some peace, then I felt like it was time and overwhelmed to connect to Tamela... maybe that was our mothers wanting to help comfort us. No matter the reason I am so thankful we did! I was given a gift that can't be taken away... a part of a puzzle I needed. 

Tonight "Speed of Sound" is the song that sums up musically how I feel... the words are a representation of what she gave me... in the speed of one phone call... I appreciate you and what you gave me tonight and how your life began with mine from the time I was still in my mommas tummy!

http://youtu.be/0k_1kvDh2UA