So for those of you who have known me for a long time know that I have never gone longer than just a couple of weeks without a job. I have been lucky like that but too, I have never left a job without another to go to. This was a discipline taught by my mom. When I quit my job in May to take care of mom, I took a giant leap of faith. I stressed over my choice but, in the end I knew that being with my mom in her final days was a blessing for both of us. The summer I was given with my children was a blessing.... being able to finally have the time to mourn my daddy and mom was a blessing.
I honestly at first was frustrated b/c I wanted to go back ASAP to have something that could keep my mind off of the last two years. If someone offered me something the week after mom passed... knowing me I would have taken it. Things however, didn't work out like that. Looking back at it now, I am glad... people are right when they say it's in God's time not mine. He totally knew what he was doing and knew the hurdles I would face this past summer. I would have not been able to totally exert myself in any job.
When I work I put my all into it. I give 110% b/c I want to do a good job. After all one isn't hired to do things "half assed" as my daddy would say. In my last job, daddy died 2 months after I was hired. I took 1 day off b/c his memorial was postponed until mom was in better health to go. I was worthless, sad, and could not concentrate for the life of me. All I could think about was how I missed my father so horribly. I still pushed on and thank goodness it was the easiest job I have ever had, if not it would have taken a toll on what I did as an employee. I wished everyday I had taken more time off and when Christmas rolled around and mom was in the hospital all I could do that day was lay in bed out of sadness and exhaustion. I felt more lost than I ever had.
When mom got moved to Murfreesboro things became easier b/c I could be with her after work every day. She knew I was unhappy with my job and pushed me to go back to school, to do something that made me happy... b/c I worked for the Hitler of all bosses...that's for a whole different blog lol. So in thinking about it I figured, I am great at sales, why not try out real estate. The draw back is I have never had an all commission job, frankly the thought of it terrifies me. I went ahead and started studying for the test, after all daddy always said I could sale an air conditioner to an Eskimo. I also decided to seek help and go to grief counselling... I can not express how much in just a few months Jason, my therapist, has helped me.
When I passed my RE course mom was at the point where she was moving in and weeks later going in to hospice and I was faced with a life altering choice. Here I am full circle. Four months later I have been hired and I am ready. Heck I am excited!!! My first interview with Lisa she walked in and hugged me knowing what I had been through. I already knew I was a candidate for a job with a group of compassionate awesome people... I totally fit in with that. When I went back in for our second talk Wednesday and was offered the job and met the group of folks I would be working with, for the first time in two years I felt like I was moving forward! I am so stoked.
While no I will not be in Real Estate Sales, I will still be working in the field and I am glad I took my parents advice and broadened my knowledge. Seems in death they still are leading me. That is a comfort.
For the past two months I have felt as if I am stuck in mud and now I feel like I am shifting down and moving on. I so wished yet again I could call mom and dad. They would be thrilled, especially mom knowing several of the people I will be working for and with. She thought so highly of these people and in a way, it is her answer to my question.... what am I going to do? While I could have stayed at home for eternity... I am a worker, I like to have several things going at once... like momma. If it wasn't for her this opportunity probably would not have presented it's self to me. So I owe it to her! She gave me time to heal, time with my children, and a future. Crazy how things work out!
I miss her. I wish I could share this with her, although I know she knows. No matter what transpires between you and your mother.... you always need your momma. I will always need mine, I will always be thankful for the wonderful gifts she gave that make the rough stuff less important.
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