So this coming Wednesday I will be leaving to head to Charleston to see my sweet sister and along the way stop to spend the night with my amazing Aunt Farfie (Martha). My goal is to start the closure process by scattering my parents ashes in the places they wanted. It will be the farthest I have travelled alone... well sort of alone, mom and dad will be with me in their respective boxes lol. Its bittersweet, I can't wait to see Martha and my sister who I haven't seen in a year, but sad b/c I know I am letting go of the pain of losing mom and dad so soon and so close together.
I went back and reread my blogs... wow... 3 years of sheer hell and sadness. I wonder how I got here without going nuts, but I didn't. I do in some ways feel stronger and more patient but forever changed. Part of me considered not going b/c I know I am going to have to let go, but it's time. June 20th is fast approaching, the year anniversary of mom's passing. I don't want to be home this day b/c she died here. I will be with my sis this day and I will be in Folley beach somewhere scattering away. It will be the start of the 2015 ash tour lol.
Mom and daddy were loving people. Everyone who came into our home were instantly family. We never really had close friends... close friends were brothers and sisters. Pranks and jokes were a constant in our home and anyone that came over was game. We had fun. We went on trips and took ppl with us. Mom and daddy always made time to do special things with me and when we moved Denise in, they took time for her too. Which is why I want to share the beach scatter with her. They always called her their daughter, she is more of a sibling than I have ever known.
Looking back, I can't say I would have known what to do if Martha wasn't here with me for a week before mom passed. It was so great we named our patio the Martha Blackwell Memorial Porch lol. Her help and the laughter she brought I think was a big part of what got me through the following weeks before momma passed. She has a huge heart, and she like daddy loves without condition. She is my connection to daddy and my surrogate mom!
I will never know why these things happened like they did, I guess it's not up for me to know but really to be an example and grow from it. God, I miss them both so much. It's true, in some ways you will always need your momma, and I will never stop missing her. I will always need my daddy to talk sports with and make me laugh, to hold me when I cry and get jacked up when someone has done me wrong, man.... I couldn't be more blessed to have a dad like him!
But as they say, all good things come to an end, and now it is time to finally say goodbye and continue to move on as they would have me do. It's a different world, I will never stop thinking of them, I will never stop missing them. If they were here I know they would be proud of me and the wonderful things I have and will continue to accomplish. The greatest thing that some people have to wait for is that they are together. The selfish part of me wishes they were still here but in my heart I am truly happy that they are with each other even if they aren't with me. For 36 years I was the luckiest daughter on the planet, and for the next 52, I will still continue to be blessed from their love and guidance. I can only hope when I am 88 (b/c that is my foretold time, who knows) I will be as loved and cherished as they were and still are.
Mom and daddy, I think of you every day... I will never stop loving you, I will never stop thinking of you and everything you blessed me with, and until the end of my time you will still be a constant in my heart! Y'all were the best parents in the world to me and I am glad that you didn't have to wait too long to be together. I hope that I will continue to make you proud but until we meet again.... Forever in my heart! Let the tour begin!
I love you both always!
Keleigh (ps... thanks for the spelling of my name lol)
